Death’s Waiting Room

Is it just me? I have no purpose and if I have to empty the dishwasher or clean the house I’m going to scream. My whole life laid out - past, present and future and after 50 something, I still don’t know who I am inside. I’ve started a wellness journey because its been so painful to realize that I’m barely existing. To those who are NOT ME, it looks like I have an amazing life - a few challenges but nothing that can’t be overcome. I’ve material security and assurances of love from those important to me but it just doesn’t feel true. I feel like I’m here just to make sure clothing is clean, meals are prepared and everyone gets what they need. I have no idea what I need - its just this giant void of nothingness. So here we go - I’ve signed up for some classes, I’m waiting for some appointments and I hope that there is some thread of me that I can find while I sit in Death’s waiting room.